


Life Ain't Easy

by Tezca



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Crowley has a Caring Sibling, Crowley has coloboma, Disabled Crowley (Good Omens), Fluff, Gen, Human Aziraphale (Good Omens), Human Crowley (Good Omens), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-19 05:14:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20325676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tezca/pseuds/Tezca
Summary: There were angels dining at the Ritz and an asylum set on fire.





	1. Chapter 1

Despite the unlikely probability of meeting given the circumstances, the stars of the universe were aligned just right. There was even a nightingale or two outside who chirped away as two humans who only met just yesterday dined away at the Ritz. 

As it is with the reality of life, no one could hear it.

“It’s very nice to dine here again after a long while. I moved here to London from Tadfield only a year ago. Before that, it would only be whenever Gabriel took me and my sisters down here on holiday,” A young man by the name of Aziraphale joyously exclaimed. Across from him sat a bespectacled fiery haired man whom he just met the prior day

“Didn’t you say Gabriel was your older brother?” Crowley asked for clarification as he took a sip from his wine glass. Aziraphale nodded. 

“Yes. He’s 15 years older. Mica and Uriel were adopted when they were babies. I was only 5 at the time,” He casually expanded. As much as he enjoyed going to a book lovers club, there was something about Crowley that drew him in. He already seemed more interesting within ten minutes of meeting him compared to meeting the older members of the club last year, “Gabriel raised us for most of our childhood.”

“No parents?” Crowley only was able to look at the menu for the briefest of seconds before he was caught off guard by the implication. He instead looked at Aziraphale with sympathy and pity.

“Not in the picture, unfortunately. My father left when I was three and my mother is deceased. She passed away unexpectedly on a trip to visit her family in Missouri,” Aziraphale explained with forlorn sadness, “It was utter chaos, I was only 7 at the time.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” 

“Thanks. Despite Gabriel being most annoying at times, he raised us well enough I should say,” He let out a slight but awkward chuckle.

A light somber mood hung in the air while the two looked at the menu. Luckily the mood changed before it could get too awkward. Crowley - and so did Aziraphale he suspected - wanted to move on to a lighter topic.

“My brother Ligur was also adopted, he was around five. He and Hastur are practically twins cause they’re only a few days apart,” He explained conversationally, the mood gratefully changed to comfortable and fun, “They're still in year 8 while my sister Bee is in year 13.”

“And the older one is the one that dragged you to that, er, Charge syndrome conference?” Aziraphale asked. He had since closed his menu, having decided on what he was gonna get.

Crowley nodded and gave a put-upon sigh, renewed annoyance shown via his demeanor, “She’s well-meaning but she’s the type to really get into the overly motivational and inspiring type crap. I only go to get her off my case,” Crowley said nonchalantly as he glanced back at his menu, “I’d rather claw my eyes out then go to a boring conference.”

“I’m sure the children find it helpful, Crowley,” Aziraphale kindly pointed out. Crowley looked up long enough to reluctantly concede his point and let out a casual sigh. 

Crowley gave a resigned smile, “Fair point I suppose but they are gonna grow up and eventually realize that they’ll have to deal with whatever the same way as the rest of us.”

“Oh err, well,” Aziraphale cleared his throat a little awkwardly, “I do get the sentiment. Gabriel always told us ‘idle hands are the devil’s workshop’.” 

“Although with that being said, I was willing to go a couple of years back,” Crowley started without looking up from the menu, “It was either that or babysit my fire loving brothers,”

“Fire lovin...what?!” The menu provided the perfect way to hide his laugh at the offended slight squawk that came from across the table.

“Those bastards burned down an abandoned house a few months ago,” Crowley sighed wearily and rolled his eyes, even with the knowledge that Aziraphale couldn’t see them.

“Oh, good lord!” Aziraphale looked at him incredulously.

Crowley smirked and lightly chuckled. It seemed to be a bit too easy already to rile up his Christian sensibilities. He noted this down for later when he felt up to friendly teasing. There was just something about Aziraphale that made him want to spend more time with. Unlike him, the blond-haired man came from a religious family.

“They never were caught. Lucky,” Crowley scoffed a bit derisively under his breath as he leaned back into his chair. It was accompanied by a slight eye roll. By now he closed the menu and slouched back on his chair.

Aziraphale looked at him bemused for a few seconds, “What do you mean exactly?”

Crowley took another generous sip of his wine before he answered, “I hung out with the wrong group in high school. Broke into an abandoned hospital and sprayed painted my name and ‘can I get a wahoo?’ underneath,” Crowley took a moment to chuckle at the memory. He was still felt satisfied about coming up with that, to be honest, “I got caught and charged for vandalism while the others ditched me. Bastards.”

Aziraphale looked at him with wide eyes, “Oh my! I would be grounded for a week if I had done that,” He admonished while Crowley snickered casually as the waiter just arrived to take their order. 

They continued on with small talk as they waited for their food. Mainly what their jobs were - Aziraphale works part-time at a bookshop while Crowley worked at a flower store - and mildly interesting facts about their lives.

“....and so, Gabriel was born in St. Louis in America a few months after she broke up. She also became a born-again Christian around that point too. Anyways..err… my father was a tourist when they met - Gabe was ten at that point - so they both immigrated over here shortly after that.”

“Ah interesting,” Crowley drawled out the word with a bit of a more animated but still even tone, “My grandparents moved down here to England from Scotland and-” The two were suddenly jostled out of the lively conversation by a ringtone. Crowley took out his phone from his pocket and glanced at it. A scant two seconds passed before he groaned and his face fell, “Oh no, no…”

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” Aziraphale perked up in alarm but Crowley dismissed it with a wave of his hand.

“No nothing’s wrong, angel. It’s the sister I told you about, must’ve realized I snuck off,” Crowley quickly explained with an exasperated sigh before he answered it. Meanwhile, the food had just arrived so Aziraphale took to eating as he caught parts of the conversation, “No and I  _ fucking  _ don’t know how much more I have to  _ say  _ it I don’t-... that’s cause it's true!... Its nothing more than overly motivational and inspirational bullshit!” Crowley rolled his eyes before giving Aziraphale an apologetic look.

Aziraphale couldn't help but quietly laughed to himself at his reaction.

“What do you mean how’d I know?!... even other people that don’t have anything wrong health-wise can see....oh don’t you-don’t give me that damn bull...oh I can name lots of things more worth my time like dining at the Ritz with a friend for instance…..Aziraphale we met yesterday. He saved me from the Hell crushing boredom you try to bring me to for the last four goddamn years...” 

By now Aziraphale can pick out some muffled angry words from the other end. He didn’t want to pry too much so he focused on tuning most of the conversation out. It was spirited enough that he can guess nearby people were able to catch a word here and there. He only took a couple of bites before he heard abrupt silence.

Crowley put his phone down and smiled apologetically. He faced Aziraphale as he took a moment to calm down.

“Sorry about that, angel.”


	2. Chapter 2

The door to the bookshop opened with a flourish. Aziraphale had been putting new shipments of books away when the bell rang. He turned around and brighten up to see Crowley. He walked up towards him with a big smile with a stride as if he owned the place. A pep in his step.

It had been a week or so since they’ve met. It felt nice that they both lived in the general area. Aziraphale hadn’t really made any close friends since he moved here. It was nice to experience the feeling that he already knew a newfound friend for years.

“Hey, Aziraphale I got great news!” Crowley announced as soon as he got close. His face beamed up like the brightest sun in the galaxy.

“Hello Crowley,” He greeted back as he put another book on the shelf, “That’s wonderful, what is it?”

“I don’t have to worry about being dragged off to sickeningly motivational hell any longer!” Crowley laughed triumphantly.

“You talked to her?” Aziraphale questioned. He was happy to see the other in here, made him gladder that it was a slow day customer wise.

“Weelll…” Crowley stretched out the word a bit with a big hand gestures, “In a manner of speaking, I got Bee to do it. She successfully told her to sod off once in the past so I figured if she did it…” His voice trailed off, leaving the rest of the sentence to be implied, “Only caveat is that I have to go to a Maroon 5 concert with her.” He explained with a less than enthusiastic tone. He leaned up against the bookshelf, his hands in his pockets.

“It probably would’ve been better if it was you that talked to her Crowley,” Aziraphale gently reproached him as he kept a casual tone.

Crowley sighed matter of factly, “If she didn’t listen to me before what makes you think she’ll listen to me now?”

“I just propose it might’ve, um, sounded better if it was from you directly,” Aziraphale awkwardly stammered out. Crowley rolled his eyes.

“I’m willing to bet neither of your siblings has been the caring with a capital C type,” Crowley stated as he looked over at him. By now Aziraphale had finished with the last book. He stepped down from the little stepstool he had been standing on.

“What do you mean by that? Isn’t it good to have compassion?” Aziraphale was noticeably very much confused. He may be innocently bewildered, but Crowley can get the sense he was sincerely curious.

“Oh, it is,” Crowley corrected as he began to follow Aziraphale. The latter picked up the remaining stack of books and headed around to the other side, “Very much is, but there’s a difference between caring and what I call Caring,” The second instance he put a strong, more pronounced emphasis on the word. He clasped his hands together and made an exaggerated concerned expression to top it off.

Aziraphale still looked a little confused, “What’s the difference then?” He stopped for the time being to pay apt attention to Crowley.

“Caring with a capital C is what I refer to idiots who put anyone with any kind of disability or syndrome on a pedestal. Thinking they’re so  _ brave _ and  _ inspiring _ and ‘oh how they obviously need more help’ even when they don’t actually need a lot of extra help,” Crowley rolled his eyes.

Aziraphale widen his eyes with a comprehending demeanor, “Oh, I suppose that would get rather annoying,” He agreed as he went back to the remaining book.

“It’s not the worst in my case granted, but my sister thinks I’ll feel happier if I met others like me. Compared to most of the folk there, I might as well not have Charge,” Crowley shrugged nonchalantly.

“I take it you got the milder effects? I have done a little reading of my own about it. Coloboma right?” Aziraphale inquired with a friendly smile.

“Very mild yeah, only my eyes are affected,” Crowley gestured towards his sunglasses.

“Oh, hence you wearing sunglasses indoors then,” Aziraphale surmised and Crowley gave a confirming nod.

________________________

“Why are we here again? This place looks quite...erm...spooky,” Aziraphale looked around as he made sure to stay close to Crowley. It wasn’t really a question as it was more of a complaint. He looked around at the rotting, dilapidated hallways. He looked too worried that a swarm of flies or other insects will suddenly fly out.

“I can ask the same, angel,” Crowley deadpanned. It had been around two years give or take since they met. Only a month ago did they decided to take their relationship to the next level, “So you know I did not wake up and thought ‘hmm, you know what would be a  _ great _ idea? Spending time with my boyfriend in an abandoned asylum!’...” He vented. 

They wouldn’t be here if not for the fact that he wanted to keep Hastur and Ligur from committing arson.

Aziraphale softly chuckled and put on a sweet smile, “It’s really alright dear. This just shows me once more that you really do care about your brothers,” He gently assured him with a loving smile, “Makes me love you all the more really.”

“Course it would. If I didn’t know any better, I would say you’re actually an angel pretending to be human,” He smirked teasingly.

Aziraphale laughed which faded into a smile. He teased back, “Maybe I am, maybe I’m not,” He chuckled before the air faded back into casual seriousness, “Really though if anyone in my family that acts all holier than thou its Gabriel.”

Crowley let out a sharp laugh, “No argument there. I wager all three of your siblings have sticks up their arses of various lengths.”

“Thankfully they don’t when it counts.”

The two walked in comfortable silence amidst small talk about how each desolate room looked as they passed. They were in one of the wings used for patients while Hastur and Ligur were elsewhere. Since Crowley told them to leave behind anything that could start a fire, they’ve taken to writing graffiti. Which - to be honest - he doesn’t care about that as much. That said, he didn’t trust them to listen to him completely. If there was a way to ignite something, they will find it.

“In a weird way a part of my plan for our date went smoothly,” Crowley said as if he was on the verge of philosophizing. They just peered into a dusty, melancholic room. It would’ve been bare if it wasn’t for the crumpled down bed and a lone desk. Aziraphale walked a couple steps over to take a look at a book left behind, “We are spending alone time together.”

“That is true,” Aziraphale realized as he turned to look at him, “I would prefer a different location however.”

“Me too, but I-I’ll take it as long as you’re with me,” Crowley lightly stammered out. He walked closer and stood in front of Aziraphale.

“I believe I would say the same,” Aziraphale picked up the book to get a closer look. It appeared to be a leather-bound journal, “This was probably patient’s diary I presumed,” There was a timbre of awe in his voice. He looked about indecisive about where to peek at it or not.

“I doubt whoever wrote that gonna come after you,” Crowley pointed out as he glanced down at the book then back to Aziraphale’s blue eyes. The moonlight that shone through the cracked window cast a warm glow on Aziraphale. If that was even possible despite the empty, disused room they were in.

Crowley watched him as he gently opened the book with such reverence. He looked up after a few seconds, “It’s from someone named Agnes Nutter and…” Another momentary look down, Crowley peered down and noticed the pages looked like they could turn to dust at a single touch, “...looks like this book of prophecies from the year 1866!” He exclaimed excitedly.

Crowley was affectionately amused, “You do know it's all the ramblings of a mad woman, right? I mean...given where we are,” Not that he’ll readily admit but he always found Aziraphale’s love for old books wonderful really. It was the same with him and plants.

“Oh, I know Crowley,” Aziraphale reassured him, he calmed down enough from the initial high, “It would just be ever so fascinating to take a peek. Read what a patient from long ago thought the future was going to be.”

“You can always take it with you,” Crowley mischievously grinned.

At that, Aziraphale balked as a small gasp escaped his mouth, “Steal? I can’t steal Crowley. That’ll be wrong! That’s…” His train of thought trailed out as he took another look, “Oh it is tempting I’ll give you that but I mustn’t.”

“Why not? Nobody really going to care angel. At least me and my brothers won’t.”

“But won’t this woman’s descendants would?” Aziraphale asked semi frantically. Crowley was more composed than he was at the moment, “I suppose I could take it and read it, but we will give it to them afterwards Crowley.”

“I…” Crowley paused before he sighed, it should be a crime to break down some of his worldview, “...doubt they know it even exists. Besides we don’t even have a way to track them down.”

“Oh,” He said, a little crestfallen, “I would certainly be breaking the law. I don’t want to get caught.”

“Do you see any security cameras around here?” Crowley asked, not harshly but rather more matter of fact. Aziraphale took another look around as if they suddenly appeared when he wasn’t looking. He shook his head, “No.”

“Look I’m not forcing you, it’s your decision after all,” Crowley added, his hands in a placenting gesture.

“I know you aren’t dear. I’m just worried, what if there’s cops outside?”

“You’ve already broken the law by trespassing in here and we’re out in the country, doubt there’s too much patrolling going on.”

Aziraphale conceded, “That is true, but didn’t Ligur say he spotted a car when we arrived?”

“It wasn’t a cop car remember? That said there could be the chance of one out there but if we’re careful, then we shouldn’t have any problems.”

Aziraphale took a look at Crowley then another down at the book. After a quick glance through the pages of the book, he looked up to face Crowley with a teasing, good natured laugh, “You win wily old demon.”

Crowley let out a short laugh, “Haven’t heard that to describe me since I babysat in secondary school.”

Aziraphale blanched in embarrassment, immediately tensed and became apologetic, “Oh really? Oh dear I’m dreadfully sorry I didn’t mean to… err… I was just joking-”

Crowley dismissed it with a wave, “It’s alright, it was nothing malicious. It was funny really. I was babysitting a 4-year-old and had my sunglasses off for a few minutes,” 

Aziraphale relaxed. He took a breath or two to calm down then looked at Crowley with curiosity, “What do they look like?” 

Crowley looked absentmindedly at the peeling blue when he heard the question. He swiftly faced Aziraphale for a few seconds. He proceeded to take off his sunglasses and Aziraphale got closer to see it better. Helped that they both stood in front of the window, moonlight over them in a soft romantic glow. 

His iris was the more brilliant shade of golden he’d seen. Thought he may be a bit bias but it was without any sort of shame. The pupils were another story, instead of being round, they were elongated. Slits like one may find on many varieties of snakes. Honestly it just added all the more to the mystique of that is Crowley if you ask Aziraphale. 

“They look positively beautiful, Crowley,” Aziraphale was mildly in awe as he gently grasped Crowley’s hand in his. The one that wasn’t holding the book, “Your hair even brings out your eyes I dare say,” He chuckled lightly with a warm smile.

Crowley smiled back, he lightly teased, “Well I don’t know about that,” He was definitely evident he’ll melt at whatever compliment the angel pays him. Even if it was the absolutely mushiest thing he heard.

Aziraphale was still curious purely from a knowledge standpoint, “Are there ways to fix that?”

“There are yeah. Surgery, contacts lenses...I’ve got contacts but-” Crowley put his sunglasses back on, “I usually take a third option,” Never in the history of Earth will sunglasses become uncool if you ask him.

“The sunglasses suit you dear.”

“Thanks. Quickest way to solve the problem if you ask me,” Crowley let out a soft confident laugh.

A few seconds of tranquility passed between the two. It was safe to say they were lost in their world, gazing into each other's faces as they soaked in the light around them. There was a sort of secluded peace in the dead quiet of the room. 


	3. Chapter 3

Sadly, the moment was broken not too long after. Crowley was jostled out of the mood when the faint smell of smoke entered the room. It only took a moment to recognize the smell, and another to realize there was a good chance he knew the cause of it.

“Is that smoke?” Aziraphale was confused as he stared out the door then at Crowley. The peaceful air was replaced by tense and the growing sense of danger.

Crowley let out a long-suffering groan. He immediately ran out the door with Aziraphale right behind him, “What's going on?” Aziraphale asked. They both can see the faint trail of smoke from around a corner at one end of the hallway.

“Those two idiots must’ve somehow started a fire,” Crowley grabbed Aziraphale hand and took off. If there was a fire where his brothers were concerned, then they’ll be nearby. They rounded the corner and the smoke was getting more prominent. They were headed towards what used to the administrative area. 

And didn’t the administrative area lead to the entrance out of here?

Thankfully his brothers weren’t too far away. And they were at a safe distance. Flames dangerously peeked out the door from a room further down. Crowley let out a groan before he walked up to them with a sharp glare at them, “Hastur! Ligur! I thought you told me you didn’t have anything to start fires with!?”

“And we didn’t, Crowley! We found an abandoned lighter on the second floor,” Hastur explained.

“It’s beautiful,” Ligur commented. Crowley rolled his eyes.

“Oh yeah there’s a  _ great  _ idea! Let's stand here in awe and marvel at the fire that’s blocking our way out of here!” Crowley’s voice dramatically cut through the air in the surrounding area.

“There’s another way out of here, we came across it earlier!” Ligur pointed down the opposite direction as he faced his brother. Meanwhile, Aziraphale moved closer to Crowley as he looked worriedly at the fire.

“We might’ve made a small mistake setting it too near the front door-”

“Small?! Small mis-no one on Earth would count that as a small mistake!” Crowley pointed towards the fire.

“But there was a lot of flammable things, it was the perfect place!” Hastur smiled giddily, “Papers, books, old dried out desks,” He leaned a little closer to Crowley with a conspiratory tone, “We even found alcohol hidden away,”

And at that moment a huge terrifying fwoosh was heard. The fire had increased and spilled out of the room. It only took a good few seconds before the surrounding area was now engulfed in flames. The situation was rapidly getting out of control and they needed to hightail it now. Crowley let out another groan as he pointed at Hastur and Ligur, “You two need help!”

Crowley held onto Aziraphale as they turned heel and followed the other two. Ligur led the way with his torch, though the darkness was let up by the soft light of the advancing flames behind them. Eventually they made it to the end of the long corridor. 

“This way!” Ligur pointed down the adjacent hallway, “The way out should be down here.”

“Should be?! I’ll feel a hell of a better of our chances if you were abso-fucking-lutely sure!” Crowley yelled as they kept running. Aziraphale clutched the book in one arm while he hung onto Crowley for dear life with the other.

“We are! Obviously, we don’t know the damn layout by heart Crowley!” Hastur retorted.

“We’re about 95-98 percent sure it's this way,” Ligur added with firm confidence.

“Oh,  _ that _ puts me right at ease,” Crowley sarcastically replied.

“Still better than 50 percent,” Aziraphale reasoned and Hastur agreed much to Crowley’s annoyance.

Luckily for all of them there was a backdoor. A swift kick thanks to Hastur opened the door further and the group was able to get outside. By then the flames and smoke had started to come down the place they just ran through. They got out with several seconds to spare but it was too close for comfort. 

“Oh dear...oh that was too close for me,” Aziraphale panted out once they stopped at a safe distance. He had his hands on his knees, trying to regain his breath. Ligur and Hastur - meanwhile - shared a giddy, proud laugh while Crowley glared at them off to the side.

“Worth it though,” Ligur said in reply to Aziraphale’s comment. He motioned at the blond to look at the flames, “Just look how big the fire is getting. There is a certain kind of art that comes with setting buildings like these on fire. You don’t want to set it all on fire too fast, nor you don’t want it to go slow,”

“Pretty soon the whole building is going to be covered. I’ll give it five to ten minutes,” Added Hastur.

Crowley put his face in his hands and groaned. He pleaded, “Ignore them angel.”

“I believe we should erm...get out of here,” Aziraphale was as anxious as Crowley to get the fuck out. He slowly stepped a few paces behind the others, itching to run to the car. 

“Hang on, I think the flames are getting to the second floor a bit faster than expected,” Ligur said, he nor Hastur didn’t budge much to Crowley’s chagrin, “We found a couple of rooms with chemicals.”

“...WHAT!?” Crowley yelled. He knew better than to ask what made them think adding combustible chemicals to the mix was a great idea.

“We should all definitely get out of here pronto!” Aziraphale echoed the sentiment. 

“We set it up on the second floor so this would end in a truly explosive majesty,” Hastur topped it off with a wave of his arms. 

“Oi just shut up and move it you two!” Crowley gave them a push towards the car.

They were able to get in quick enough. Crowley and Aziraphale were in the back while the other two were in the front. Hastur floored it and it was only a scant few minutes that all four heard the telltale sound of an explosion. The noise caused Aziraphale and Crowley to look out the back window.

“Thank the Lord we got out of there safely,” Aziraphale said with a breath of great relief.

“Too bad we didn’t get any pictures,” Course Ligur would sound disappointed at that. It was also now that he noticed the book Aziraphale had in his arms, “At least you got a souvenir.”

Aziraphale once again blanched up in embarrassment, he held the book closer to his chest, “Yes, well, I just rather found it quite interesting, and certainly didn’t want it to get burned and… err… no one is likely to claim and… um…I uhh…”

“You don’t need to justify it, we don’t give a shit,” Ligur turned back around, “All of us in here have stolen something.”

Aziraphale took a short glance at Crowley at that revelation. That part he knew already. Nothing major, just small odds and ends as he was told in the past. 

“Well my siblings probably would. Especially Gabriel,” Aziraphale looked down at his book before ultimately at Crowley, still unsure of things. Crowley reassured him warmly.

“You don’t have to tell them anything Aziraphale. Just say you got it at a thrift store or whatever.”

A few seconds passed, “I suppose that’ll do. I’ll just have to clean it up a bit, I have been dabbling in restoring old books. Would be great practice!” He beamed at the prospect.

“There you go angel,” Crowley smiled and gave him a brief warm kiss on the side of his head.


End file.
